I've been subjecting myself to a little psychosocial experiment for the past couple months, living under a (semi-) self-imposed Internet ban at home. It happened by accident really. I moved into a totally sweet loft which would be almost perfect if not for one teeny-tiny little detail: It's connectivity-challenged.

That is, the only connection option is DSL through Bell South -- or possibly satellite or wireless but only if my location is properly aligned with the planets (kidding, sort of). Satellite and wireless options also involve hefty upfront costs, though actually if you don't to commit to a year Bell South is even worse, but I'm getting off track. The real problem is my long-standing hatred of Bell South: I would rather suffer than pay them anything.

Initially, none of this was a problem because one of my new neighbors was broadcasting an open wireless network. Apparently he wasn't aware of this until I started using it, because a few weeks later he cut it off. Bummer. (I probably should have just knocked on his door and offered to pay him for access, but I have that whole morbid shyness around strangers thing to overcome first.)

Anyway, it's been ... interesting, but not in a good way. I should note that I'm not totally cut off. I do have access to e-mail, AIM and text-only Web browsing through my cell phone, but it's painfully slow.

The results of my experiment thus far:

1. I've become a bad pen pal.
I am unforgivably behind in my correspondence, so to those of you waiting in my inbox I apologize and throw myself at your mercy (remember I have no Internet). Note to Eric B.: I tried to respond but you had already switched companies. Pass along your new address and I'm happy to continue where we left off.

2. I get nothing done.
My regular visitors have noted the steep decline in frequency of thoughts posted. This has been due in part to regular 60-hour work weeks, but we've finally brought in more help so hopefully I'll be back to a weekly(ish) posting schedule soon. Even beyond my overloaded schedule though, I've found that the effects of living offline have infiltrated almost everything I do. I pay my bills online, I rent movies online, in fact I buy just about everything but groceries online, and more importantly, I probably get about 90 percent of all non-sensory information that passes through my head online. I'm quite possibly getting dumber by the day just by not being able to look things up as I think of them. This has been particularly devastating to my workflow. Even if I remember to write questions down so I'll look them up later, everything gets all disjointed. Files saved on half a dozen different disks, half thoughts, notes scribbled here, there and everywhere... I've used my inbox and server space as my primary tools for organizing information and transferring/storing files for so long now that I'm lost without constant access to them.

3. I feel more alone
Perhaps I've formed an unnatural attachment to my machine, but I swear I feel a little bit like I've lost a friend. I suppose I'm really just feeling the loss of my connection to the rest of the world. Once the possibility of interaction is gone the computer becomes just a cold piece of machinery again. And even though I am still able to do a great deal of my work without being connected, I find that I use my computer far less overall (and there I am, right back to getting less done).

The moral of the story
Kids, don't try this at home. Living offline is a freakin' nightmare. There are worse things that could happen to you, of course, but don't impose this craziness upon yourself if you don't have to. I decided to give the whole living offline thing a chance for the sake of doing it, my modern version of roughing it in the wild maybe: Instead of getting back to nature, I'd be getting back to the "real" world. Well, I don't feel particularly enlightened and if anything I feel far less connected with the world. (I do tend to get a lot more sleep though...)

At any rate, help is on the way. I recognize the potential dangers of huge media conglomerates yada yada but in this case, as far as I'm concerned, Comcast is my savior. Comcast has finally bought out my sad little local cable company that only offers 10 channels (I wouldn't joke about such things) unless you subscribe to DIRECTV. Soon Comcast will be bringing affordable high-speed Internet to my door, knock on wood (no pun intended, my door is steel;).

A Web miracle
Or maybe just a little serendipity in action. The very moment I was wrapping up this thought, I heard that glorious sound: the familiar thwack of my AIM autologin. What's this? A new network has found me! Will it last? Who knows. In the meantime..... hello new neighbor, wherever you are, and welcome! You're my new best friend =)

August 22, 2003